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nicolexnarcotic's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]

I'm DYING to find what's missing
from my LIFE and now
the tables have turned
and this is only TEMPORARY
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

nicole has a boyfriend;yes i dooo :] [Friday
July 14th]
[ mood | loved ]

yep its true.
he asked me out about 5 minutes ago.
im so happy.
ive never had anyone tell me they love me this much.
i seriously love him.
i never thought id ever find love again.
but i was wrong.
i have the perfect boyfriend.
hes amaizng.
im never going to end this.
ever ever ever ever everrr.
its completely taken my mind off everything.
i love leo.
hes my boyfriend.

If there's a bright side to this sufferingIf there's a bright side to this suffering | can you help me see?

:[ [Thursday
July 13th]
[ mood | sad ]

my brother just called me.
i never new how much he could make me cry.
i no i say i hate him all the time and he annoys the crap out of me every single dayy but i miss him so much.
i miss home.
i miss my family.
im not even sure i can call them my family or him my brother anymore.
i just dont no anymore guys..
he asked me when i was coming home and i juust said i dunno..
he told me how hes made new friends at camp,
and how he went to parrot jungle and saw superman,
and how hes the best player on his basketball team.
and how he makes so manny points in basketball,
and how he lost his front tooth today and how he got 4 dollars from the "tooth fairy" and i just wish i was there to say congratulations instead of telling him that on the phone.
i never thought i could miss my brother so much.
i havnt talked to him for about 2 weeks, so it was good to hear from him and how much ive missed...
but im a wreck right now.
i cant even see that well because my eyes are filled with tears.
i wish i could go back to the day my mom left me at mishels house and redo everything,
i still no for a fact that i diddnt do anything to make my mom get the way she did on me but i wish i could go back in time to change things a little bit.

i really miss home right now.
and i cant believe im saying that...

If there's a bright side to this sufferingIf there's a bright side to this suffering | can you help me see?

DY-NO-MITEE [Wednesday
July 12th]
[ mood | content ]

ahah im watching i love the 70's volume 2 and they just sed
DYNOMITE ahahaha i wish i lived in the 70's :[
thatd be pretty amazing :]
anyways mishel just got home from the movies and she sed pirates sucked.
w/eee i still wantsaaa see it :]
liek amazing thinng, me and shelby have been reading each others minds all day.
weve been watching the same shows, the same movies
and we say the same things at the same time.
its so cool.
its a twinn thingg :D
il her, shes my bffL :]
omfg today was really funny,
me and my cousins shelby and mishel were out feeding the baby gators and me and shelby [ im talking baout my cousin shelby ] walked down this path and there was a snake and we screamed soooo loud and hauled assss.
then i tripped.
stfu. i trip alot.
ahaha then mishel made me this mask thingy and i went and hid in her closet, and her boyfriend came to open the door and i go ASDBAUFHUSHG!!
and made this wierd noise and i scared himm and omfg it was so funny.
so manny funny things have happened to me today.

ahaha shelbys a dyke.
but shes my dyke.
ahah jk guysss

i cant stop listenning to a bullet for my valentine.
theyre amazing..

u wanna no whats pissing me off?
how that now i finally got the guts to tell bianca that im mad at her after holding it in for liek 3 months and just going along because i diddnt want a fight with anyone, and when i finally told her that i was mad at her,
now EVERYONE is all bianca this bianca that bianca bianca bianca.
even skye.
i love skye but i dont uderstand why she would talk about her to me when i dont care for bianca one little bit anymore.
im so glad i have shelby to talk to about these things.
she noes EXZACTLY why im mad at bianca and why i got the way i got.
and bianca i dont care if your reading this, and if u dunno why im mad at you then maybe you should go back and think through everything we did together and how bad of a friend you were to me.

ok enough i do not wish to talk about bianca anymore.

now this hole thing has gotten me so pissed, ima finish talking to shelby then im going to fucking bed.
good fucking night.

If there's a bright side to this sufferingIf there's a bright side to this suffering | can you help me see?

im in fucking love guys :] [Tuesday
July 11th]
[ mood | happy ]

ok he sed i love you.
and i sed it back.

is this all true?
is the right?
am i right?
i hope this isnt another lie.

i love him.

If there's a bright side to this sufferingIf there's a bright side to this suffering | can you help me see?

July 8th]
[ mood | loved ]

today has been pretty amazing <3
i liek someone guys :D
and hes really amazing,
he calls me baeutiful.
and he keeps telling me how he wants to kiss me ans hold my hand.
wow guys no one has ever called me beautiful before.
and ive never felt this way about a guy before...
he just makes me smile more then ive ever smiled in my entire life.
hes just amazing.
im so happy :D
he keeps telling me the most sweetest things ever,
he even wrote liek FFTL lyrics to me.
and im liek ok kid your amazing.
anyone who writes fftl quotes to me ill instantly liek.
he kept saying come home i want to see you
when i see him, all i can think of doing is kissing him.
hes amazinggg.
his favorite band is taking back sunday so ive been listenning to that forever
gosh . fuck. i want to go home more then ever now.

anyways today was funny other then that,
ahah i had fish for dinner.
we were posed to eat pizza but i sed no fish is betterr :]
ahaha then we went to publix
omg if anyone is a loser its me.
i was walking down the isles alone and im just start singing fftl and spinning around.
fuck im a loser.
i bought a bunch of healthy foods.
i guess when i look in the mirror and realize that im not so happy with how i look i realize that im going to eat healthy from now on,
so no im eating peahes and tea.
ahaha natalie will most deffinettly love to see that :]
and tea is amaizng.

oh and skye has a b/f
who i hate.
and they both no that,
hes a cunt face,
and im in a huge fight with him.
woah im tired.
ima go night night.


If there's a bright side to this sufferingIf there's a bright side to this suffering | can you help me see?

blahh blahh blahh <3 [Thursday
July 6th]
[ mood | lonely ]

today i feel liek JDHKAUFHJSYEGJYG!!!
starting off i woke up so frikking early.
which put me in a bad mood.
i sat around did nothing.
mishel went off with her boyfriend so i was left all alone:[
haha not really i was with mehh cussin shelby all day.
shes the coolest 7 year old ALIVE :]
aww WORD <3
anyways my mom diddnt call today.
diddnt mattuh cuss i wouldnt have answered it anyways.
i hope she realizez how stupid she was for telling me those things.
i really hope so.
and i pray to god every night that she will realize that what she said was wrong and what she did was wrong.
cause it sure as fucking hell was.
i hate her.
i love where im living now.
and its alot better then living with her.
today was also verry wierd.
i had some rather strange conversations with this kid today.
i dont think ill say his name on here though.
this kid thinks ima send him "pictures" if u no what i mean by pictures because i think hes hot and he noes hes hot.
im not a slut.
now skye is about to have a boyfriend so im happy if shes happy :D
and i have a new best friend named linroy.
so none of you guys can call him yewr best friends cuss hes my best friends so stfu and go fuck you mom in the ass you cunt face.
linroy is the shizz and i love him ahaha :]
ho kay.
ive been on my lazy beehind all day.
cuss theres nothing to do.
i couldnt go 4 wheelin today cuss it was raining almost allll day
and i wanted to go start my photography shiz so me and shelby could start our photography thingyy.
its called MooreGood photography.
its the last name of out boyfriendsss combined
i said cunt about 28482467467 times to skye today.
and yeah ima go to sleep cus im mother fucking tired .
ily cunt facess

| can you help me see?

first entry :DD [Wednesday
July 5th]
so ive finally gotten a live journal.
for the second time.
my life pretty much stinks now.
its the worst its ever been.
i mean i have no idea if ill ever go back to miami.
at this point i think ill stay living up in lake placid.
i think itd be better for me up here anyways.
im so scared to ever see my mom again.
im scared shell hurt me.
the last thing she said to me was " the day u were born was the worst day of my life"
how could she ever say that to me.
i mean liek for serious now.
i mean as greatfull she semt that i was the twin who came out alive she should have never even thought of saying that.
i will never be able to forgive her for that.
ever ever ever ever ever.
ive been talking to my dad about it but its not liek hed care.
today my mom called me.
i diddnt answer.
there was no way i would answer that phone call.
i think the hardest part of this all for me was telling shelby and skye.
i feel liek i just hurt them so bad.
after readin shelbys last entry in here i hate myself for telling her.
i never thought i could make one person so sad.
and skye..telling her, i thought shed die.
i mean she was so sad.
i hated telling her.
she wanted me to go live with her but i could never cause her family that much trouble.
gosh enough about this.
i need to change the subject.
well i bought a hamster,
its so small and adorable.
i named it sonny muffin.
hsdkhef. i guess ill go now. my fingers and eyes hurt.
ily :D
If there's a bright side to this sufferingIf there's a bright side to this suffering | can you help me see?

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